In Bluto We Trust


Far as we’re concerned here in the Front Row, any reason to show a clip from Animal House is a good one. That said, I couldn’t help keep this epic speech from, “Mis, Mister Blutowski” out of my mind when thinking about the current state of stuff.

With the wonderfulness of the internet and YouTube, especially, within seconds I had the clip above playing. While watching I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off but also think, “you know, with a few little changes, this scene could take on a whole new meaning.

Naturally, we need to set the scene. America is down. I rattled off some pretty good reasons in my last post but admittedly, didn’t even scratch the surface. There’s a ton more reasons for Americans to be collectively down in the dumps. Fact, there is poison in our air via chemtrails, in our food via GMO’s and our water via fluoride and other nastiness. You can argue all you want about intent or who knows what but their presence and harm is indisputable. Why have multiple other nations banned GMO’s and fluoride? Doesn’t that say it all?

Fact, in the last 100 years the dollar has lost 96% of its value. Um, that’s almost ALL! Fact, 80% of Americans “share” only 7% of the wealth and the top 1%? They account for 40% of the country’s wealth. Absolutely mind-numbing. Fact, pick a category to compare the US vs. the other industrialized nations and where just 20, 30 years ago we would be number 1 or close to the top in most, we are now way behind. All this and more is happening yet we continue to put the same old retreads in office over and over and over. Vote for him once and he fails, shame on him. Vote for him twice, you’re a dumbass.

national-lampoons-animal-houseLet’s face it, like the boys over at Delta Tau Chi, we just liked to party too much. After WWII, the  good times rolled in and we as Americans wrapped a sheet around ourselves and had a 50-year toga party. We didn’t bother to check who was bringing the beer or how they paid for it, just that we had it. However, it’s all too clear that party has ended.

Look, in a nutshell what has happened here? A few crooked-ass, purely evil, sons-of-bitches have taken control of, well, everything, That’s the problem. World domination plans didn’t go out the window with Hitler, they just got smarter about how to do it. They hid behind corporations and wore suits and ties instead of a uniform. They’ve been buying up everything and consolidating everything, stacking all the chips in their favor. They’ve been systematically bankrolling and then bankrupting countries across the board and guess which phase we’re in now? Of course, America is a special case. We ain’t no Venezuela. Unlike the others, all us freaks, or a good enough amount, bring guns to the party. So, they needed to distract us and showed up at the party uninvited but brought a bunch of cute girls, cocaine and pizza. “C’mon in!”

So, here we are, hungover, broke and wondering just what the hell happened. Ladies and gentlemen, my good freaks, the Front Row proudly presents, “Bluto and America”.

America: We’re all officially fucked. 

Bluto: “What’s this lying around shit?” 

America: Well, what the hell we suppose to do you big moron?

America: It’s over, men, they’ve dropped the big one. 

Bluto: What? Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over til we decide it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no! And it ain’t over now. Cuz when the going gets tough, the tough get going. So, who’s with me? 

America: (Silence)

Bluto: What the fuck happened to the America I used to know? Where’s the spirit? Where’s the guts? Huh? This could be the greatest country on Earth but you’re going to let it be the worst. “oh, we’re afraid to do anything, Bluto, we might lose what we do have or get in trouble.” Well, just kiss my ass from now on! Not me, I’m not going to take this. Bankers? They’re dead, man! Mainstream media? Dead! Politicians? 

America: Dead! Bluto’s right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We got to take these bastards. Now, we could revolt in the streets and fight them with conventional weapons but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, no, no. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think this situation requires a really simple solution. So simple it’s stupid. 

Bluto: We’re just the guys to do it! Let’s do it! 

Yes, let’s do it, America! Coming soon, the really incredibly simple plan that sadly, doesn’t include 10,000 marbles or a Death Mobile. Until then, you freaks be good!




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